


Spending too much time in his own thoughts

by yuraxchan



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:45:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/yuraxchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Insecurities are killing us.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Spending too much time in his own thoughts

**Author's Note:**

> Insecurities are killing us.

Useless. Waste of space. Waste of time. 

Kris was used to hear those kinds of words from people around him. It hurt. Despite being used to those harsh comments they hurt him constantly and ruthlessly.

He tried to ignore them, smile and forget. He showed nothing but deep inside his chest ached. So he waited and waited, sometimes for hours to be left alone and cried. Feeling miserable, worn out and alone, he cried silently, not wanting to gain the attention of the members. 

He didn’t want to hear comforting sentences by anyone, he didn’t want to tell that his heart hurt, he didn’t want to read sympathy in his friends’ eyes. He knew what they would say, always the same reassuring words but it wasn’t enough for him, it would never be. 

The words cut too deep, he could hear them again and again in his head, same hurtful comments, same looks of disappointment, pity, and embarrassment…He knew them too well.

Some people just worded their thoughts, simply telling him how of a failure he was. Some of them just kept silent and looked at him with annoyance. Others didn’t say anything and showed nothing but he could read their minds, he could guess their wicked thoughts and it hurt just the same. 

Sometimes he could hear hushed whispers behind his back, when they thought he couldn’t hear or see them and they shut their mouth when he neared them. Most of the times he acted like nothing was wrong and smiled. Other times, he walked past them, expressionless. 

The worst was the voices inside his head which created hurtful words and comments he never heard but could have been said nonetheless. His own imagination was his enemy. 

The Chinese man would soon become insane with all the evil thoughts flying in his head, making him flinch and ache. Spending too much time in his own thoughts rendered him restless. Too much sleepless nights, too much pain. 

He started being afraid to talk with people, to overhear conversation about him, he feared his friends thinking of him as a failure too. If one of them someday told him one of the hurtful words he heard or thought about himself he didn’t know what he would do. Would he be hurt ? Would he became mad ? Or void and empty ? Would he think about ending his life ? 

Thinking about all those possibilities made him cringe, he hoped he would never face this situation. 

And the ‘what if’ were killing him. He began to doubt everything, everyone, even himself. He always was an insecure man but it worsened along the years. 

When he tried to speak about it, he saw the incomprehension in the eyes, he heard the silent reply and paranoia settled.


End file.
